Heathen: A Pseudonym for Diggy
Originally published November 3, 2011
Author’s note: This list is 100% true.
Dear Readers,
My longest absence yet! Let me assure you I have been VERY busy being a really really poorly behaved dog. Over the last 8 weeks or so I have had several revelations and they are as follows: (1) I rule the house; (2) I can do whatever I want with no real consequences; (3) even if there are "consequences" my mom only stays mad for 5-10 seconds; (4) I am not a pet; and (5) I have a pet human. I won't go into detail, instead I shall focus on some of the highlights.
Actually, before going into the highlights I'd like to proffer a reason for my behavior. That reason is vengeance. As I mentioned in my last post I was under the misconception that my mom had abandoned me for good, however it turns out she hadn't. One day I was shoved into a crate, thrown into the hull of a jet and flown across the country - AGAIN. She's done this to me several times now and quite frankly I've had enough of it therefore, I sought revenge. Now onto the highlights, which will be organized by location:
1. Home
consumption of 5 socks
knocked over the kitchen trash can
emptied the bathroom trash can (7-10 times)
emptied my pet human's purse (5-7 times)
stole paper towels; destroyed paper towels
absolutely demolished a large couch pillow (see Facebook for photographic evidence)
whined CONSTANTLY
brought several dead, dried worms into the apartment
put a hole in my pet human's new blanket
chewed a highlighter on the new carpet
chewed a highlighter on my pet human's new comforter
chewed up a magazine
chewed up dryer sheets
knocked an entire bowl of chili in someone's lap
2. Sierra's Home
stole garlic bread out of Nedda's hand
chewed up an accessory to someone's occupy themed halloween costume
tried (unsuccessfully) to eat off of several plates
ate Sierra's irreplaceable puppy collar
chewed up Sierra's bed (Sierra's mom had to laboriously hand sew it back together)
stole and consumed napkins
went into the dirty laundry
3. The Haunted House
rummaged through all 4 bedrooms
stole many many pairs of socks
went into the garbage (kitchen and bathroom)
tried to eat halloween candy
jumped on both coffee tables
stuck my face in a bowl of chips
licked dishes
stole a rib out of someone's hand
collected papers, napkins, dirty tissues
stole water bottles
created a hoard in the backyard of all my best finds which I furiously defended.
so close - then my pet human unceremoniously
shoved me off.
My contribution to the occupy movement.
It’s my world